Lasting Impression by CW Roslan

 

LASTING IMPRESSION

It is the end of the year again.  The night was chilled by the drizzling rain.  As I was puffing my Benson & Hedges while sitting at the front porch of my USJ house, the raining month of  November reminded me of the last worst flood at 62Felda.  For smokers, there are many moments when the pleasure from cigarette is at its best.  Smoking when it is raining is one of those moments.

While the flood had caused a lot of difficulties to many people, it is odd that I consider that monsoon season the ‘best’ flood experience of my life.  The year was 1984, I was just back from USA after completing my degree and waiting to start my first job in January 1985. 

The rumah banjir was already completed then.  AhTok had also made the small perahu with atap zing and it was painted black.  Quite a nice little boat but not very stable to paddle.

The water level had reached the peak at ‘waist high’ in the rumah ibu (tiang rumah was not extended yet at that time).  I can’t quite remember how it started, but AhTok collected some coins from rumah banjir, enough to buy two packets of cigarettes. He then asked me to go to the kantin  and the only way to go there was to row the boat.  And so I did through the torrent of boh besor crossing the paya and landed at the foot hill near Pok Mang Maalah house.  From there, I had to walk up to atah bukik to the kantin.  Anyway, rowing the boat and walking to atah bukik was fun, especially with the promise of nice Benson & Hedges awaiting.

I made it safely back to 62Felda, and the father and son were happily rewarded with one packet of Benson & Hedges each. 

Among the memories of my toddler days, I remember AhTok was fond of entertaining his close friends at home, in the living room.  I liked to hang around listening to orang tua chitchatting. During such occasions, I vaguely remember that, in some instances, I was given one or two puff of his cigarette (AhTok was smoking Players Gold Leaf then) while sitting on his lap (I must be quite small then)!

 So, now you know why I ended up as the only regular smoker in the family.  By no means I am putting the blame on AhTok.  I am just sharing those fond memories.

Our life term is fixed (Ali Imran: 145).  It was already written that AhTok would leave us when he was at a relatively not-so-old age. 

I am not sure whether everybody is aware of some moments of AhTok’s final weeks/days that I would like to recount for sharing purposes. Those moments indicated that he had accepted the fact that his days were numbered.

After the conclusive check at Institute Jantung Negara:  It was advised, due to the permanent damage to about 25% of AhTok’s heart cells, the only recourse was a ‘heart transplant’.  His comment was ‘Tukar jantung lembu boleh lah’ (implying that he knew the opportunity of doing so would be very slim, if not impossible).

When AhTok was last discharged from Hospital Kemaman:  We decided to bring him to HKL for further ikhtiar.  As AhLong was on the way down to Kemaman from Kota Bharu, we decided to wait for him before proceeding to KL.  AhTok was discharged about mid-day and it would be quite a while before AhLong arrival at Kemaman – hence, the long wait.  When asked whether he would like to go back to 62Felda to rest while waiting for AhLong, he remarked ‘Buat apa! Rumah dah kata pergi, kubur dah kata mari’.

When there was nothing else that could be medically done at HKL and we agreed to bring AhTok home:  During the few moments he was still intermittently conscious, when asked whether he would like to go to CikNor’s or AhLong’s house, his exact comment was ‘fikirlah, rumah Nor tu rumah sapa, rumah Along tu rumah sapa’ (implying that Nor’s house – while normally be the choice of place to stay, being the home of eldest daughter - belonged to his son-in-law, and perhaps, he would want to spend his last moments at his eldest son’s place).

In the ambulance, on the way to AhLong’s Shah Alam house:  As the ambulance was turning left after the Petronas Station into Section 19, AhTok (who was already unconscious before leaving HKL) suddenly moved and sit-up on the stretcher, facing East.  He was then carefully laid back onto the stretcher by MakTua.  And that was AhTok’s last physical movement.  In hindsight, perhaps, while the ambulance was moving westward, he was making an attempt to look at the direction of his final resting place – which was to be Lot D380.